The Red Flags We Pretend Not to See (Until It’s Too Late)

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We’ve all ignored the inconsistencies, the little white lies, or the flakiness in someone we like. It’s hard to see those things clearly when feelings are involved.

Honestly, they could probably cut off your leg and we’d still chalk it up to “a bad day.”

That’s what I’m diving into today: 4 common red flags we brush aside, and how to actually see them for what they are before it’s too late.

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Red Flag #1: The “Harmless” White Lies

We’ve all told a white lie or two, and that’s not the problem. The issue starts when lying

becomes a pattern. If someone lies about the small stuff, what’s stopping them from lying about the big stuff?

Trust is the foundation of any relationship. If someone is willing to risk that over something meaningless, you have to ask yourself: do they really value this relationship? It’s not about the lie itself, it’s about what it represents: that they’re comfortable bending the truth whenever it benefits them.

I know you might be thinking, “It’s not that deep.” But really, it is. Those white lies pile up, and eventually the foundation you thought was solid will start to crack.

Think of it this way: would someone who really loves you make up stories about things that don’t even matter? If your answer is no, good. If your answer is yes… babe, we might need to talk.

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Red Flag #1: Inconsistency

Ah yes, everyone’s favorite! Don’t you just love inconsistency?

But let’s be real, this one’s the worst. It usually starts small: a “Hey, I can’t make it today, maybe next week?” or “I’m just super busy right now.” At first, you’re understanding. You tell yourself, “They’re just busy; they’ve got a lot going on.”

But slowly it starts to pile up. A missed date here, a canceled plan there, and before you know it, you have no idea when you’ll actually see them again.

Here’s the kicker: inconsistency almost always circles back to those “harmless” little white lies. If someone can’t show up consistently, it’s usually because they don’t value the relationship the way you do. And if they don’t value the relationship… guess what comes next? Ding ding! Lies.

And once the canceling and excuses run out, what comes next? Avoidance.

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Red Flag #3: Avoidance

So, let’s back it up. First come the little white lies, then the inconsistency, and now? They’re probably sliding right into avoidance.

But what does that even look like? Avoidance isn’t just ignoring your texts for a day — it’s dodging conversations, pushing off plans, and basically doing everything except showing

up for the relationship.

Here’s what avoidance really looks like:

• Ignoring texts or taking forever to reply (the only thing they’re consistent about).

• Brushing off serious conversations with “I don’t wanna fight” or “let’s talk later.”

• Canceling plans instead of being upfront that they don’t want to go.

• Changing the subject anytime commitment or feelings come up.

Now, I’m not saying that if someone says “let’s talk about it later” they’re automatically a bad person. But if it’s a pattern, if you never get the clarity you need or they constantly dodge the hard conversations, that’s when you need to pause and reevaluate.

Just like the other red flags, honesty, consistency, and being present aren’t optional. They’re the bare minimum.

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Red Flag #4: Poor Communication

Poor communication doesn’t mean they don’t know how to say what they mean. It’s when they shut down the second a serious conversation comes up, avoid being vulnerable, or make you feel like talking to them is a chore.

I’ll be honest,  communication isn’t exactly my strong suit either (my boyfriend would agree). So I have a little more sympathy for this red flag. The difference, though, is effort. Even if someone struggles with opening up, if they try, if they’re willing to have the hard talks, even if it’s messy,  that’s worth something.

But if they shut down completely, dismiss your feelings, or make zero effort to meet you halfway? That’s not poor communication. That’s no communication. And you can’t build a healthy relationship on silence.

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Don’t Just Spot Red Flags, Believe Them

It’s easy to read the words, but hard to put them into practice. As tough as it sounds, cut it off when you notice the red flag patterns.

My rule of thumb? Three strikes, and you’re out. It sends a clear message that your time and energy are valuable, and if someone wants to stay in your life, they’ll need to actually show up and earn it.

But be careful not to weaponize your boundaries out of fear. Really listen to your gut and take the time to weigh what matters most to you.

Remember: red flags aren’t just warnings, they’re your permission slip to protect your time, energy, and heart, don’t let anyone convince you they’re just “having a bad day.”

Talk soon,

Aurelia

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Have you spotted any of these red flags in your own dating life? Share in the comments — let’s talk about it. For more tips, stories, and modern dating chaos, sign up for my newsletter or follow me on Instagram for behind-the-scenes content.