It’s Okay To Not Have It Together
- | Aurelia Wren |
- Aug 12
- 3 min read
Updated: Aug 13
I used to think I had to have it all together to be a “real adult.” Just like with this blog, I thought I needed it all figured out before I started. Turns out, I can figure it out as I go.
Society loves to tell us we should be perfect, with the family, the good job, the big house. Sure, that would be nice, but it shouldn't be the goal. The pressure to fit that mold just weighs us down and makes us feel like we are failing a test we never got to study for. Like asking for help is some kind of cardinal sin.
But not having it together, that's just being human.
Despite what social media and society want you to believe, you are enough exactly as you are. I've tried to change the very fabric of who I am just to fit into someone else’s expectations. I still catch myself doing it sometimes, It's never made me feel happier or more fulfilled because it's not me, and that's not having it together. It's just a façade waiting to crack.
For me, having it together is about being your authentic, imperfect self. We filter our emotions, hide our mess, and try to package ourselves up to be "acceptable". But that's not life. Life is vulnerable. Life is messy. And while I'll be the first to admit I don't love being vulnerable, it's something I'm learning to lean into.
Adulthood… Ready or Not
When I first left home, I was terrified.
What are taxes?
How do I pay bills?
Do I even have enough money to make a budget?
I didn't know the answers. School certainly didn't teach me. And it just felt like everyone else was sprinting toward some imaginary finish line while I was tripping over my shoelaces.
Until one day, I just… stopped.
I stopped trying to beat everyone else. I started going at my own pace. Did my little apartment get messy? Yes. Were my bills late sometimes? Perhaps. But did I feel better doing what worked for me? Absa-fuckin-lutely.
Do Life Your Way
I’m not saying forget all your responsibilities. I’m saying do things in a way that actually works for you. Social media makes it look like everyone else has it all together, but it’s all highlight reels, not the messy rooms, the undone dishes, or the laundry pile that threatens to eat the apartment. Trust me, it’s there, and it’s fine.
I’ve definitely had days when my coffee spills, my socks don’t match, and I completely forget to pay a bill, and somehow life keeps moving. That’s the point, life isn’t about perfection. It’s about finding your own rhythm, doing what makes you feel alive, and laughing at the chaos along the way.
Learning to Love the Mess
I’m learning to love the mess, even when my brain is yelling about all the ways I’m ‘failing’, the late bills, the dishes, the endless little mistakes.
Spoiler: I’m still surviving and here’s how I cope while keeping it a bit messy and a lot human.
1. I take breaks (without guilt)
Sometimes I take them a little too much....and that's fine. The world's not going to collapse because I sat down for a minute, or ten.
2. I talk about my struggles
Everyone has them. Why not connect over them? Even if it is a hard conversation to start, some of the most genuine friendships can begin with, “Me too.”
3. I find small moments of peace
Once a day, I try to really take in my surroundings. I go outside, feel the sun, or listen to the birds. But if counting the blades of grass is more your vibe, then do that. No judgment here.
4. I let go of comparison
This one is the hardest. I try to remind myself that no one else is me. No one laughs like I do, talks like I do, or has my same quirks and asymmetry. Someone else’s beauty doesn't take away from mine, just like it doesn't take away from yours.
No Really, It’s Okay
Just because you don't have it all together doesn't mean you're failing. It means you're human, a work in progress, just like everyone else. You're healing. You're figuring out this rollercoaster of a life.
So here's your reminder, It's okay to not have it together, it makes you human.
I would love to hear your stories in the comments, or you can reach out to me directly here. And if you would like cozy little reminders in your inbox, subscribe to my newsletter below.
As always, I am so glad you're here.
Talk soon,
Aurelia
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